"Motherhood is not a burden to be borne, it is a privilege to be enjoyed. It is not a trial of endurance, it is a time of celebration." Winnie Dalley


Remember, baby girl...

You know how in life you go through general good times and tough times?  Well lately I have been going through a bit of a rough spot.  Nothing drastic has changed or happened in my life.  I guess it has been more of an inner struggle.  I feel like I have been under attack.  So many doubts, fears, worries, and inadequacies have been just screaming at me for about a month now.  It really has felt like an actual attack on my soul.  I know that these feelings do not come from my Heavenly Father, but I also know that sometimes He lets me struggle through them so that I can experience that opposition that I was so excited about experiencing before I came to this earth.  I am so grateful for the gospel in my life.  It is my rock and source of truth that keeps me afloat on those days when I feel like I'm drowning, and it is my set of wings on those days when I feel like I am flying.
Among other things, one of the things I have been struggling with is feeling like I am not serving other people enough.  I look around me and see so many people who are struggling with really hard things and I want to help!  But at the moment, my own family's needs have kept me from doing so....and then I feel so guilty.  I know...red flag right there....that is not an emotion that comes from Heavenly Father.  But too often I feed that guilt. Now, I know that there is the kind of guilt that promotes change and growth and it is good because it will help us to become better or stop doing something that is wrong.  But there is the guilt that comes from the adversary which makes me hate myself and I know that Heavenly Father would never make me feel like I was worthless. Anyway, the purpose of this post is for my baby girl to read one day when she becomes a mama and may be tempted to feel the same way.
I read this quote from Henry B. Eyring and it made me feel guilty, the bad kind, for a little while, until I turned to the Lord enough that He could soften my heart and I could hear what He was trying to tell me...
" [One] way to obtain a soft heart is to make sure you don't focus too much on yourself or your personal problems and struggles.  Instead of thinking of yourself primarily as someone who is seeking purification, think of yourself as someone who is trying to find out who around you needs your help.  Pray that way and then reach out.  When you act under such inspiration, it will have a sanctifying effect on you."
There are different seasons in our lives and different times for different ways to serve.  Right now, my most important job and the thing that I should focus the majority of my efforts and energy on is my precious family.  This quote came to my mind tonight as I spent almost an hour trying to walk/jog my baby girl to sleep when I was so tired and still had so many things I wanted to get done before I could go to bed.  Then it came into my mind again when my sweet little almost 5 year old was still awake after the other kids had fallen asleep and I felt that he needed some one-on-one time with mommy, so we snuggled and read stories.  The simple acts of motherhood are indeed great opportunities to be sanctified.  Who better to pray to see and meet the needs of than my own husband and children?  Especially in this time of their life when they are so young and their needs are great.  I can't always discern what they need, especially if my priorities are out of line and the voice of guilt in my head drowns out the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost.
I am so grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord and for His massive amounts of patience that He has for me.  I am so grateful for my divine role as a mother that has built-in sanctifying experiences.  I don't want to miss them by being too noisy inside to hear my Heavenly Father teaching me in those small and simple moments.
So, my precious baby girl, remember when you are tempted to feel like you just aren't enough, that your Heavenly Father knows that your love for Him and your desire to serve Him are enough.... and He knows that the work you do as a mother is among the very most important of His work on this earth and it will continue through the eternities.
And that is not to say that I can't serve people other than my family, because of course I can and I should, and  I need to teach my children to serve everybody through example.  But as I put my family first, the Lord will show me how to help others and when and how to do it in the very best way.

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